One is the lonliest number

July 18th, 11:46PM - Railay Island, Thailand

Well first, I spent part of yesterday taking a cooking course with a wonderful woman named Oom, and I took lots of pictures and even a video of me rolling a spring roll (!). I will soon post some writing, pictures, video, and recipes, turning this blog into a Thai cooking channel for one entry, but first I need to get the media off of my camera and into the computer, and its hard to do here on the island. I'll post it sometime soon though, no worries! I also had some other adventures that will hopefully be posted sometime soon, but ont to more important matters...

I've also met lots of people in the last day or two, as the frequent rain storms here drive everyone under cover to get food or drink, and inevitably lead to conversations. Its the last 2 days of frenzied people meeting and hanging out that I'm thinking about right now.

I like meeting people. I like sitting down, sticking your neck out, coming together for that one fleeting moment where the conversation might die or flourish. I like laughing with people, learning about their culture, their lives, what they are passionate about or what they are doing traveling. In general, I don't think I'm alone in that, I think lots of people feel that way. If they wouldn't express it in the langugage I have, I still believe there is a general feeling that other people liven up one's trip in a positive way.

For me, traveling alone, with backpacking supplies, freedom, and plans to go to SE Asia, I envisioned a decent amount of downtime in isolation. I would relax, contemplate who I was and where I was going, and generally enjoy life before getting slammed with work. But Bangkok was chock full of more people than I could have imagined, and Cambodia and Railay have also been relatively touristy and populated places. I have rarely gone a night without meeting someone, eating, chatting, drinking, or otherwise commingling and trading email addresses. I feel, based on the last few days, that this has a lot to do with me. I try to reach out, be aggressive, and talk to people, its just who I am. I don't really think about it. Other pepole in my situations may not have had the same experience, and I cant say I'm feeling real great about that trait of mine right now.

For me, traveling alone and reaching out to people, for just 18 days so far, is fatiguing me in a way I couldn't have appreciated before. It is that fatigue, at 12:17am, after a day of meeting different people and hanging out, that is speaking now. I know I'm very very very lucky to be here, to have the resources and support and guidance to experience this, but hopefully this post gives you a window into my mindset at this moment.

Though I've met lots of cool people from all corners of the world, in almost every case its likely that I will never see that person again. When you say goodbye and walk away from the day/night/weekend, its a weird feeling. It is hard getting up and reaching out to people every day, and sometimes even more lonely when you don't. And then it can seem as though the relationships themselves border on the inconsequential, friendly affairs that ultimately aren't anything more than a blip on the other person's radar. Usually girls on these trips are traveling with boyfriends, or traveling alone with a boyfriend back home, and guys rarely travel in groups of less than two or three. I'm sure that i'm learning and growing just by talking and listening, by experiencing people, but what about some close friends, ya know? I think 3 days on a couch watching basketball with friends and playing videogames sounds fun right now.

I haven't really felt like there are that many single travelers here. It can be a difficult pill to swallow realizing that most people you meet have an anchor, a solid relationship they can reflect on and that precludes anything rewarding developing. Its funny to read that sentence, because it sounds like I'm trying to find a wife or best friend, but it goes beyond that. I came on this trip with unrealistic expecatations, I think. I hoped to make lifelong friends, and instead have (generally) made acquaintances. Its a bit crazy thinking about it because I have so many great people who care about me, but I think this has been a learning experience for me. Its hard for me to know if everyone else is making great friends, and I'm just deficient in that area: maybe my personality lies more in the "Hello" direction.

Treasure the people you have in your life, because one is a lonely number. I'm so glad I came on this trip, and I've been learning about myself and this world in a way impossible under any other circumstance. I've had such a great time in so many ways here, but part of this trip for me is that I'm coming to appreciate so much more the close friends and family that i've been blessed to have. This has certainly been a post that I've written as I wrote it, and developed as I thought and looked over the words that came out of my fingers.

I feel so lucky and so great in so many ways, but can't help feeling encroaching ennui, like the dark storm clouds approaching the beach from the distance. But maybe its the sunburn :). Hopefully a good night's sleep will shake this off, and I can get back to what I should be doing here: Meeting people, tanning, living a life of relaxation!

See you all on my next post,

Zach